Calm or chaos? I think we know the answer!
This is a picture of a (partial) stunning view from the top of the gorgeous Arc De Triomphe in Paris. I have had the pleasure of standing at its top; it is an impressive monument that is at the center of 12 radiating avenues.
I am curious…how do you feel when you look at this photo? What rings true for you? Does it remind you of your life? Your Job? Your house? Your family (or just your in-laws, haha!) What about your phone messages, your email inbox, the counter at home with the kids’ school papers on it? The laundry, your to-do list, your kids’ activity calendar, your volunteer commitments? Argh!!!
There is a jerk out there that we have all had the displeasure of meeting…and his name is Overwhelm. This character is the cause of anxiety, frustration, stress, emotional eating, weight gain, lifestyle disease and many other unpleasant things. There are many causes of overwhelm and also many different kinds:
Loud noises, clutter, smells, bad traffic, chaos (environmental overwhelm)
Pain or fatigue (physical overwhelm)
Grief, anger or excitement (emotional overwhelm)
Events, people, family, gatherings (social overwhelm)
Too much information or worry (mental overwhelm)
Sometimes when we feel overwhelmed, we get stuck and cannot step into action. Some of the ways I have felt stuck in the past look and feel like:
I don’t get enough things done or at least not the right things
There are too many things on the list that you don’t even know where to start
Too much clutter in your life or house
Being unable to determine priorities or not knowing what should be done first
I am not good enough to do the things I want or need to
On a scale of 1 - 10, how overwhelmed do you feel right now? Ahhh…now take a deep breath and read on!
The definition of chaos is “complete disorder and confusion”. I have felt plenty of disorder and confusion in my 40 + years! When my kids were 6, 4 and 1, I went back to work after my third maternity leave. Hubby was helpful but working long hours and carpooling to a location out of town each day. So, having your mom return to work is hard enough for those little guys! But at that point, we were also moving. The oldest would go to a new school and the two little ones would go to a new dayhome. I thought, this is so great, new house, new school…a new beginning, so much fun! But alas, we found out that too much newness is just too much sometimes and of course, my return to work did not go that well! The oldest was distressed and cried at school, every day for weeks. He just wanted to go to work with me and so eventually he and the principal worked on projects together until he was comfortable to stay in the class (I loved that guy!) He just wanted to stay home with his little brother and sister and me; 6 years old is still little and we had often put the other two down for a nap and played games together so we BOTH missed that! So that would have been hard enough…but the middle one cried at preschool drop off and then at the dayhome drop off; and the little one cried too, probably because the other two did or she just wanted to stay home too! I had the good fortune of working only three days per week, thinking I would ease into it. But I just got to my office, shut the door and cried every morning. My boss and business owner was a woman and luckily she was understanding; I also had the most incredible colleagues and we have remained close friends, even though we have all moved on to other jobs.
That was just the start of the day, then there was the middle and we all know what the end looks like with little ones…meals, stories, snacks, bathtime. I loved every minute of it and miss those days terribly but Overwhelm was definitely present then, how could it not be? Raising little ones is so much responsibility and I didn’t want to screw it up (or them)! Add a little perfectionist layer on there too and WHAMO…Overwhelm! I wish I had the information and skills that I do now…but thankfully my coping skills have evolved over time. It turns out that love is what you need most and all the other details don’t need to be perfect. Mistakes make you real and teach the example that we don’t need to get it all right all the time. What a great lesson! The kids won’t even know, or anyone else for that matter, it is just the story we tell ourselves sometimes. So “who cares!” (to quote my Scottish buddy), we are not living anyone else’s “highlight reel” (to quote my nephew!)
Speaking of evolving, I thought I would share some of my favorite ways to help me thrive (better now, not so good then!) when I feel overwhelmed. Here are my 10 favorite…they are easy, inexpensive and they work!
Breathing deeply!
Moving (running, a fitness class, etc.)
Laughing
Walking Barkley (my sweet little golden doodle!)
Date night with spouse
Hanging with my friends
Anything with the kids…going to their games, watching movies or playing games (my fav!)
Cooking
Reading
Last but not least…sharing information with you!
Doing these things creates space for pleasure in my life and opens up possibilities to kick overwhelm to the curb! But you might wonder and ask yourself…that is all great, but how do I actually get things done?
Sometimes we might just have unrealistic expectations…
Here are 5 simple actions that you can take in order to start to step out of overwhelm and into action:
Create a list! Put a star next to the top three things on that list that you would like to get done in the near future (< 30 days). Highlight or circle the item you wish to complete most.
Ask yourself why that item is the most important to you and write that down in a place where you can see it, easily and often.
Determine which day in the next 7 days you can create space for that ONE item and put it in your calendar on that day.
Say NO to something during that same period and DO THAT ONE THING. It is easy to get stuck in the daily routine and do the same things over and over. However, we know that “if we want something different, we have to DO something different!” Letting go of something to make room for something else is very powerful.
Breathe deeply and celebrate! Go to the mirror and say, “I am proud of you!”…until you mean it! When you celebrate what you have done, it opens doors in order to do and have more of THAT. It is true that “we are all winning the game we are playing” (Health Coach Institute) and if we play the game of joy, gratitude and celebration, that is what we will inevitably have more of in our lives!
And THIS…will translate into getting things done, one small step at a time!
The same approach is true with your health! If you would like to step into action in order to create the change you desire for yourself and your body, I will support you to take that action and avoid staying stuck! We will create opportunities for you to reduce stress, increase your energy and lose weight by taking action in a way you might not have done in the past. Reach out to me on my Contact tab if this is something you want for your health and your life. Take care of yourself FIRST…what’s the best thing that could happen?
