Have you ever heard that super old cliché and I’m sure you have: “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me”? Have you ever made an assumption that you were so sure was accurate at the time…but it turned out that it really had no basis in reality or truth? In other words, it was complete crap but you were quite comfortable telling yourself that story anyway?
I am a fairly new fitness instructor and I am so passionate about this full body workout that I teach because it has worked so great for my body! So, of course, as a new instructor, I want to connect with my participants and I want them to have the maximum enjoyment in the class. As their teacher, I feel somewhat responsible for their fun and their desire to return!
I was scheduled to sub for another teacher and I showed up one morning, so enthusiastic to take her place. When I arrived, the only participant who had arrived by that point, said “Oh, is XXX not here today?” And I said “No, she is away and I am really excited to be with you in her place!”. Then I asked “Do you attend XXX’s class regularly?” and she replied “Yes, I follow her to different facilities and she is my favorite instructor.” And I said, “Oh that’s wonderful, she is really great, I hope you have fun today too!”. Then, she walked away and started to set up her stuff, but I thought she seemed disappointed.
The workout lasts 60 minutes in total and we were about 15 minutes in. At that point, I turned away to adjust the music and when I looked back to where she had been, her equipment was put away and she was gone. Of course, I was disappointed and the story I told myself was that, “I was probably not measuring up to the other instructor, or the standard, or whatever else was better than me and maybe I just wasn’t that good. ”
I have been a bit of a lifelong perfectionist (and quite far from perfect at anything!) but I have practiced in recent years, trading perfection for presence. So, here I was…present! The class finished 45 minutes later but that departure had kind of thrown me off a little; I did, however, get back on track and finished strong (or strong for a fairly new instructor!)
Two days later, I was subbing at another facility for this same instructor, who was still away. I got there about 20 minutes early and there was a class in the workout room, right before mine, and right up until mine, so I waited outside on the sofas. Would you believe, this same early departing person, was actually the second to arrive, just she…and me! First reaction: how awkward! Second reaction: maybe she is actually a nice person, lol. I hesitated a few moments just thinking of the right thing to start the conversation and then I noticed she was slowly moving over toward my sofa. So, she saddles up beside me and actually sits on the arm of my sofa and I am thinking, “wow, this is interesting”.
Then she says, “You taught at the other facility, right? You taught a good class the other day”. Shocked! I am thinking “how odd, you didn’t really do too much of it, how could you tell?” But she went on to say “It’s really good when other instructors sub and we see different styles, I really like that and you were doing great!” Then we went on to talk about other types of movement that she does and had an overall lovely conversation! I did not ask what took her away from my class two days ago and she did not elaborate. She did stay for this class and seemed to thoroughly enjoy it!
And, you know, it doesn’t really matter why. Because ultimately, it had nothing to do with ME. Maybe she really didn’t like my style and wanted to leave but was now feeling bad about how it looked and wanted me to feel better now? Or maybe she got some news on her phone during the class that caused her to have to leave quickly? Or, maybe she wasn’t feeling well that day or was injured and thought rest was more important than that class, at that moment?
All of those things she was doing and possibly feeling, I was somehow owning and worse yet, trying to decipher. What an “AHA” moment for me this entire episode was! Here is what became very clear to me then and now:
What she felt and/or did is OK for her! She can and should make whatever choices she wishes for herself, without judgement of those around her. Maybe she rethought her choice to leave and now wanted to give my style a second chance? Or not! Either way, it is not my choice to make or my feel to feel and has no impact on my teaching ability or ability to reach other participants.
While it is important for participants to enjoy the class, it is an unrealistic expectation that my style will be just like the other instructor or appeal to absolutely everyone. We can teach the same material but have a completely different delivery style, and that is OK too. What if the opposite were true, that diversity in teaching styles was a gift to the participants?
Someone else showing me appreciation feels good but not as good as me believing in myself and my gifts. Being proud of what I do, confident in how I do it, and believing in who I am is something that I and everyone else deserves. A brilliant motivational speaker, Dr. Sean Stephenson, once said, “we don’t have to put our glow on low, to make others feel comfortable.” And we don’t have to glow low because we think we are not good enough either!
It is important to celebrate what we do have vs. what we don’t. It is true that what we appreciate, appreciates! So when I focused on the amazing and grateful participants that remained, that gratefulness is what I was full of, rather than disappointment that ONE departed early.
So, on Thanksgiving weekend, I sit, write and think gratefully about that experience, what it taught me and how much there is to appreciate around us, most of all, ourselves. Happy Thanksgiving to you and those you love!
